Just a Dream
by unwittysidekick
Summary: Inspired by the Carrie Underwood song of the same name. Saying anymore would give too much away.


Disclaimers: None of this is mine

Warning: Character Death!

1000 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

Two men walked into JAG Headquarters without a word, but still, at the sight of them all activity seemed to cease around them. They didn't need to announce their reason for being there, everyone just knew. Moving through them without a word the two men got into the elevator, one of them pressing the button to go up.

When the elevator doors opened again, they stepped out and moved towards the double doors that led into the bullpen. They stopped the first staff member they came across, a young seaman, to ask directions. Around them the bullpen grew quiet, everyone holding their breath, as the young sailor's arm stretched out, pointing to the other side of the bullpen.

The two men started across the room as the staff watched them, sympathy in their eyes for one of their own who was about to find out their life would never be the same again.

* * *

Jennifer Coates moved around her office, a lingering case of the flu not stopping her from going about her duties. She's humming softly to herself, an absentminded smile on her face. Her normally fair skin was still bronzed from a recent vacation in the Mediterranean. Her husband had been deployed there at the time and she had taken some leave to go see him. While she had wanted to spend the entire week in bed getting...reacquainted after his extended deployment, he had said that there would be plenty of time for that when he got back to Washington and then had insisted that they get out of their hotel room and act like tourists. So they had compromised, spending their days at the beach and their evenings taking in the sites, just enjoying being together again. And their nights had been spent being together, in every sense of the word.

"Petty Officer Jennifer Coates?"

"Yes." Jen looked up at the two men standing in the doorway to her office and her smile fades. The files she had been holding fall to the floor as she lost her grip on them. Papers scatter everywhere but Jen doesn't notice. Instinctively she takes a step back, away from the two men in front of her, as if that would somehow change the news they were bringing her. "No. Please, no."

"Ma'am," one of the men began, "the Secretary of the Navy regrets to inform you-"

"The Secretary regrets?" Jennifer cried out, interrupting him. She's crying now, the tears rolling down her face. "The Secretary was the one who sent him out there in the first place!"

She stumbled back into her desk chair and collapsed into it.

"Ma'am," the second man started to say, taking a step towards her.

Jen shakes her head at him, not letting him finish whatever he was going to say. "Just, just go."

Nodding his head in acceptance of her request, he turned to leave. His partner paused only long enough to place the official letter of notification, containing all the details, on her desk. On their way out of the office they pass Lieutenant Sims.

Ignoring the paperwork scattered on the floor, Harriet crouched down in front of the chair. "Jennifer I'm so sorry. I can't begin to imagine..." She glanced over at the letter sitting on the edge of the desk, the name in it catching her eye and she gasped in shocked surprise. She turned back to Jennifer. "Jen, your husband-"

"I just got an email from him yesterday, ma'am." Jen managed to get out through her tears. "He'd finally gotten his orders. He was coming home in two weeks."

"Oh Jen." Harriet said, her own tears starting to fall.

"What am I going to do now ma'am?" Jen asked before burying her face in her hands and sobbing. Harriet pulled her into a hug as other members of the staff make their way into the office.

* * *

Noticing that the commotion outside of his office wasn't dying down, Admiral Chegwidden jerked the door open, prepared to hand someone their head on a platter. He wasn't prepared for the sight before him.

Petty Officer Coates was sitting behind her desk, sobbing heart-brokenly. A couple of the enlisted staff, as well as Lieutenant Sims, were gathered around her offering what comfort they could, with little success. A few other members of the staff where also in the room, everyone with the same dazed and confused look on their faces.

When Harriet finally noticed him standing there she got up, wiping at her own tears, as she moved away from Jennifer and over to him.

"Jennifer was just notified that her husband was killed in action sir."

"Killed in...my goodness! That's..." He trailed off, looking towards the young woman in sympathy. Then another thought occurred to him. "I didn't even know she was seeing anybody, let alone that she had gotten married."

"Nobody did sir. They kept it a secret. Not surprising considering who her husband is. Was." Harriet corrected herself regretfully. Rather than try to explain, she handed the Admiral the letter the Casualty Notification Service had left.

"Rabb? She was married to Rabb?" Admiral Chegwidden looked up in shock, taking in the scene before him again, the staff's reactions making more sense now. He felt his own grief start to rise up as the news began to sink in. And then regret as he realized that now he would never have the chance to mend the rift between the two of them. And then finally came confusion. "But, how is that possible? Rabb's not even in the Navy anymore."

* * *

"I appreciate that ma'am but you really don't need to stay."

"Okay." Harriet said. "But if you need anything, or just...need someone to talk to, please don't be afraid to call."

Jen nodded. Harriet hesitated another second or two, hoping Jennifer would reconsider. When she didn't, Harriet pulled the younger woman into a hug then turned and walked out of the building.

Jen waited till Harriet was gone before taking the stairs up to the second floor and letting herself into the apartment she had shared with Harm. Looking around, all she could see was Harm's things and she felt fresh tears well up. Moving towards the bedroom area, she rummaged through the closet till she found one of his sweatshirts. Slipping it on, Jen moved back into the other room and curled up on the couch, clutching tightly to one of their framed wedding photos.

She needed to call his mother, but she just couldn't face talking to her right now. At least she didn't have to be the one to tell Trish the news that her only son was dead. Before he sent her home, Admiral Chegwidden had assured her the Navy was taking care of it.  
As if brought on by her thoughts, the phone started ringing. Jen stared at it, not moving.

"Aren't you going to get that? It might be important."

Jen spun around at the sound of the familiar voice to see Harm walking out of their bedroom. He took one look at her and stopped.

"Hey sweetheart, what's with the tears?"

Jen cried out and rushed over to him, throwing herself into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back soothingly.

"They told me you were dead." Jen managed to get out. "They said you had been shot down on a mission."

"I know." Harm sighed. "I'm sorry."

He pulled back, holding her at arm's length. He brushed at a tear making its way down her cheek. "I'm sorry I can't be there for you anymore Jen. I'm sorry we won't get the chance to have a family like we had planned. Don't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault."

Jen wiped at the tears his words caused. She looked down, unable to meet his eyes. "But it is my fault. When Sheffield offered you the chance to go back into the Navy you hesitated, but I urged you to do it. If I hadn't, you'd still be here."

"Jen." He gently tilted her chin up till she was looking at him again. "It was my decision." He paused. "I love you. Don't ever forget that."

At his words, Jen closed her eyes. When she opened them again, Harm was gone. "Wha..."

She turned around, frantic, trying to see where he had gone. "No, Harm!" Realizing she's alone in the apartment, her knees buckle and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing. "Please, don't leave me!"

1100 local time  
Arlington National Cemetery  
Arlington, Virginia

The funeral, a couple of days later, was with full military honors. Jennifer sat there, next to Harm's mother and surrounded by her co-workers from JAG, and tried to find some comfort in the words spoken by the Navy chaplain. But her gaze kept being drawn to the empty casket in front of them and she knew in her heart there was no comfort to be found. All she could think about was what could have been.

The sound of the gunshots broke into her thoughts. Jen flinched at each volley, feeling as if a bullet was piercing her own heart each time. And then the Tomcats were screaming across the sky in Missing Man Formation. Jen watched as one peeled off, disappearing up into the sky as the other three passed out of sight. Her tears, flowing freely for most of the service, started falling in earnest now. And then they were playing TAPS while one of the honor guard presented her with the folded up flag. Jen took it hesitantly then clutched it to her heart, leaning into Harm's mother as the other woman wrapped her arms around her and cried with her.

0800 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church Virginia

Two weeks after the funeral, Jen returned to JAG. Lieutenant Sims, standing in the bullpen talking to Colonel Mackenzie, was the first to notice her. Breaking off her conversation with the Colonel, she hurried over to Jen's side.

"Jennifer, what are you doing here? You need to give yourself more time."

Colonel Mackenzie came up behind her, nodding her agreement. But Jen just shook her head.

"I can't ma'am. I can't stay in that apartment anymore. Everything there just reminds me of him..." Jen blinked back tears. "I need to be here."

"Okay." Harriet said, nodding reluctantly. "Well, there _are_ a pile of files in your office that could use your attention. Your temp couldn't quite get the hang of your filing system."

"Thank you ma'am." Jen managed a grateful smile and started moving towards her office. She stopped suddenly when a wave of dizziness washed over her. She would have fallen if Colonel Mackenzie hadn't reached out to steady her.

"Are you okay Petty Officer?" She asked then looked closer at Jen. "When was the last time you ate something?"

"I...don't remember ma'am. I haven't had much of an appetite lately."

"That's no excuse. I'm going to go find you something and you _will_ eat it, all of it. Consider that an order Petty Officer."

"Yes ma'am."

Colonel Mackenzie's tone softened somewhat. "Harm wouldn't want you to neglect taking care of yourself."

"I know ma'am. Thank you ma'am."

Jen started moving towards her office again. A few minutes later Colonel Mackenzie came in with a sandwich and a bottle of water. She stayed long enough to make sure Jen started eating then returned to her own office. Despite feeling slightly nauseous, Jen managed to eat the whole sandwich. And after taking a few slow, deep breaths the nausea passed. Putting it out of her mind, Jen got to work on her filing.

Later on though, while dropping off a case file to the Colonel she was hit by another bought of nausea. This one didn't pass and she barely made it to the head before the contents of her stomach came up. Outside, she found Colonel Mackenzie and Lieutenant Sims waiting for her, concerned looks on their faces.

"I'm okay."She said before either of them could speak. "It's just a flu bug I haven't been able to shake."

"You've had this flu for months now." Harriet said, frowning. "Maybe that dizzy spell this morning wasn't just from not eating. Have you been to see a doctor?"

"It's just the flu ma'am. I'll pick up some orange juice on my way home today." Jen said, suddenly tired of all their attention. "I'll be fine."

* * *

"Well Petty Officer, it's not the flu."

"Then what is it?"

Jen sat on an examining table at Bethesda Naval Hospital, staring at the doctor as he studied the chart in his hand. She'd thrown up a second time before securing for the day, leading Colonel Mackenzie to order her to go see a doctor. Lieutenant Sims had offered to drive her and Jen had relented, deciding it would be easier than trying to fight them on this.

The doctor finally looked up from his chart. "Congratulations. You're about six weeks pregnant."  
_  
Pregnant? _Jen sat there in shock for a moment, unable to speak. Finally, she found her voice. "That's...not possible. The last time I was with my husband...I'm on the Pill."

"Well there's no mistake. You _are_ pregnant. As far as how, nothing's one hundred percent. You said you've been fighting the flu for almost two months now?" At Jen's nod, he continued. "Did you ever take anything, any antibiotics or anything, for it?"

Jen thought for a moment. "I did take one of those Z-Packs. I wanted to try to knock it out before I went to go see my husband..."

"Well, there you go. Those things sometimes interfere with some forms of birth control." He paused, writing something down on a pad he pulled out of his pocket. "Now, here's a prescription for prenatal vitamins. And I'll want to see you again next month."

Jen listened to the rest of his instructions with half an ear, her focus turned inward while her hand rested lightly on her stomach. _A baby. Harm's baby._

She got dressed again on autopilot and walked out into the waiting room, a dazed look on her face. Harriet saw her and was by her side in an instant.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Jen turned her head towards her, not really seeing her as she answered. "I'm pregnant."

"Well that's, that's good news. Isn't it?"

Jen finally focused on the other woman, tears in her eyes. "We were going to start trying when he got back. We were waiting till then because Harm didn't want to take the chance of having a child who would grow up without a father."

Harriet is silent for a minute, not sure what to say. Finally she responded. "You've been given a gift Jen. One very few people get. Hold onto that and don't worry about the rest."

* * *

Jen closed the apartment door and leaned against it, eyes closed. When she opened them it was to see Harm walking out of the kitchen and moving towards her, a big grin on his face.

"Tell me it's true!" He said, cupping her face in his hand. Despite herself, Jen leaned into his touch, her hand on top of his. "Tell me we're having a baby!"

His words brought her back to herself and she pulled away from him and moved further into the apartment. "No, we're not, because you're not really here. I'm having a baby, by myself, and you" Jen sighed. "You're just a figment of my imagination."

Tears running down her face, Jen closed her eyes for a second then opened them and turned back around expecting to find herself alone again. But Harm was still standing by the door, looking at her.

He walked over to her and, despite her attempts to resist him, cupped her face with both his hands. "Maybe I am. But I think there's something you need me to say to you first. Or something you need to say to me."

Jen wiped at her eyes before resting her hands over his. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't plan this. I know it's not what you wanted..."

"Shh, shh. It's okay." Harm pulled her into a hug. "It's going to be okay. I want you to be happy Jen. So don't beat yourself up over this."

He paused and placed his hand over her still flat stomach. "I wish I could do this with you. But I'm glad you have this little piece of me."

1938 local time  
Bethesda Naval Hospital  
Bethesda, Maryland

"You're almost there Jennifer. Just one more push on the next contraction."

"I can't, I can't." Jen turned her head, and there was Harm right by her side. "I'm so tired. I don't think I can do this."

Harm took her hand in one of his. With his other hand he reached out to brush her sweat soaked hair off her forehead before pressing a tender kiss to her forehead.

"Yes you can. You're the strongest woman I know Jen. You can do this."

Jen looked at him as he continued stroking her hair. "I wish you were here with me."

"I know." Harm glanced at the monitor on the other side of the bed and saw another contraction was starting. "One more time and then you'll get to see our baby."

"Okay Jennifer, I need you to push now."

Jen bore down, crying out at the pain.

And then, a moment later, there was another cry - that of a newborn baby.

Forgetting her own pain as she's overwhelmed with wonder at the sound, Jen reflexively glanced over to the side again, but Harm was gone.

Blinking back her tears, Jen turned back as one of the nurses placed the baby in her arms.

"Hi there. So you're the one who's been kicking me." Not impressed, the baby yawned and blinked sleepily up at her. Jen smiled.

She hadn't been able to decide on a name, in part because she hadn't wanted to find out the sex of the baby before hand. Now, looking down into blue-green eyes so like Harm's, there was no longer any question about what she would call the baby. And while she would always wonder about what might have been, in this moment, holding Harm's child in her arms, his final gift to her, Jen finally found a measure of peace.


End file.
